


Games of the Heart

by AwatereJones, meretrixvilis



Series: Time Traveller Verse [4]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Battle, F/M, Games, Gen, Humor, Love, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-12 06:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12953007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones, https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretrixvilis/pseuds/meretrixvilis
Summary: Luc wants Rhia as his mate but there are rules and expectations in his culture, after all they are a warrior race so of course they battle for what they want. Join us as a series of games will determine if the lovely Rhiannon is the prize Luc seeks or will another envoke the old rule of challenge after all she is such a prize. Meretrixvilis and I had a few giggles, hope you do too





	1. Chapter 1

Ianto blinked slowly as Luc waited for his answer.

"A challenge?"

"I want her" he nodded calmly "I challenge you for her."

"Why not just barter for her?" Ianto canted his head.

"I cannot ever have enough dowry" Luc snorted, "Missy is worth more than my first born and as he is my only I know you would not take him in payment. Besides, I understand you don't do that here."

"Luc, I understand your passion, honestly I do and I am extremely touched that you would even consider giving your son for her hand but you do not have to. I freely give her" Ianto leaned forward and saw the dismay on Luc's face, sighing as he saw this was not going to end in a handshake.

"I cannot just take her" Luc said slowly as if explaining to an imbecile, "I must win her to show my love. My level of commitment. I must show her and all who witness my pain!"

"So...you and I must fight" Ianto rubbed his face as he saw the real problem to this, if Luc won he got the girl but if he won it would also anger the community who saw Ianto as untouchable.

"I see a flaw" Ianto said after he had let Luc stew, "I cannot fight you."

"You are her elder man" Luc said angrily, "Her only."

"Yes but I am me" Ianto nodded and Luc leaned back as he finally realised what Ianto was saying, "If you win you will be treated badly for hurting me."

"Yes" Luc pouted, "But I want her."

"I know, I know" Ianto soothed, "But you cannot even challenge me without the others coming down on you for the insult of it. Shit."

Luc stared morosely at him, looking like a small child with a boo-boo and Ianto felt badly for him as well as Rhiannon who would not understand the weird dynamics of this warrior race.

"Wait" Ianto suddenly had an inspiration "Wait, Yan can."

"Huh?"

"Yan can challenge you to respect her sister" Ianto said gleefully, "As Yan I can loudly declare the two of you secretly dating and demand you make an honest wife of her. Then we can battle, I can beat you as Yan and they will all know you deliberately let Yan win because you would never hurt a woman. I can declare you the victor because of your show of respect!"

Luc gaped at him and then shot to his feet, "I cannot hit her! Never, not the lovely Yan-you."

"Well _she_ will beat the shit out of you if you don't at least blood me a bit" Ianto laughed, "enough for them to see you are serious and also sorry for doing so. Right? A split lip won't kill me and you will still have honour that you were willing to risk your place for her."

"I will feel ill if I harm your lady self" Luc frowned as he considered, then huffed, "But I will if I must to win her. You will concede to keep my manhood intact and I will win her while keeping my honour. Yes, I like it."

"No blades" Ianto said as he saw another problem, "No hammer either. Just bare hands."

"Yes, agreed" Luc was grinning now, "I go tell her I gonna win her. She laugh like it a funny thing."

"She probably doesn't know how strong you are, she will be so impressed when you show her" Ianto smiled, then rose to go find the only real fly in the ointment.

.

.

.

.

"BULLSHIT" Jack roared, "You will NOT fight him in any form. Fuck that!"

"Jack, don't be a party pooper, think of the theme" Ianto knew how to get around him, "You can be my second, all steamy and sexy. Baby oiled up."

Jack hesitated, still frowning.

"And you can carry me to Owen who can fuss and declare me unharmed" Ianto purred, "Then we can have a big feast with a pig on a spit or something, a bonfire and stuff, remember they are a warrior race so they will all be dressed accordingly, we can too. Yan can be a bohemian battle bitch."

"Battle Bitch" Jack whispered, "How do you mean?"

"My hair can be spiked back, I can have Goth makeup and be sort or Steampunk Goth" Ianto tried to think fast, "I will be like off Mad Max, you liked that movie, right? I will be a Battle Bitch."

"Then... I can be a mad max?" Jack's eyes widened, "I can dress as a warrior too?"

"Best go see Luc and ask, maybe we can all get into the swing of things, why not" Ianto shrugged as he watched Jack start to get excited, "It will not be traditional by any standard, might as well be fun."

"And the fire pit can roast the tatties in tin foil" He called after the running mate, knowing this was gonna be a thing.

Ianto frowned and wondered if they could get a mud pit too, for him and Jack to trial of course.


	2. Lilly white arse

"Did he do it?" Rhiannon asked without fanfare, "Did that mad blonde really ask you to fight for me?"

"Yes, Jack is quite excited" Ianto said as he painted the little chair on the lawn, "He's already ordered the pigs."

"Pigs"

"Apparently there will be pig on a spit but he and Luc devised that the closest thing to Darertian Wrestling will be greased pigs" Ianto said without looking up, "You see this will be a tournament and although it will be me and Luc against each other the rest of them will want to join in. It's like a thing. Apparently the families feud and this is their Olympic games or something."

"Um, when you say you and Luc against each other..."

"Thumping, some wrestling but we have agreed no weapons" Ianto stood and canted his head "Does that look white to you? It seems a little grey."

"My fella is gonna whomp you" Rhiannon said slowly, her eyes twinkling with merriment, "He is gonna stop a mud hole in your arse and then whomp it dry motherfucker!"

"Actually technically he's the mother fucker as you are the mama" Ianto turned and grinned, "But I guess Jack can resemble that remark sometimes too, on account of Yan. I however am currently not fucking anyone's mother. And really, I don't know if Jack would agree to anyone touching my arse."

"Smart arse!" she giggled then sobered, "But what if he hurts you?"

"Then I heal" Ianto shrugged, "He wins."

"So... back to the pigs" Rhiannon said as he placed her hands on her hips, "And yes, I think it's a bit of a dull white."

"Thank you" Ianto sighed, "Well, there will be greased pigs, something called Handle-me where we lift weights and he can win that without a problem as they will all expect him to beat me in that so there will be no anger. The biggest problems are the hand to hand combat and the singing contest. I have no idea if he can sing and we know both of me can."

"He can" she said softly, then blushed as Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"Really?"

"They...woo" she said with a wave of her hand, "Like...old school poetry and shit."

"Wow" Ianto smiled as he watched his sister look more like a school girl than the one she was when Johnny met her, "Wooing and everything."

"Stop it" she gushed, "He's lovely."

"Good" Ianto grinned, "I hope you like him bloodied too because I will beat the shit out of him, or at least Yan will."

"what?" her smile faded, "No. He can't fight her."

"Can't fight me" Ianto corrected "Must fight for you and I am the only family member he can challenge. So he must fight she-me or not at all. Fighting he-me will piss everyone off and besides, I'm off limits. Yan isn't. It never occurred to any of them that she might be challenged so it's the only loophole we have sister dear."

"And Jack's OK with this" she asked again, now totally horrified.

"Yes, like I said, he has the pigs ordered" Ianto lifted the paint pot and looked at it with distaste, "Pearly white my fucking arse, now that's pearly white. This is not."

"It will happen here?" Rhiannon looked around nervously.

"Gods no, we will wreak the place. Fire pits and braziers and shit. No, a beach thing" Ianto laughed, "We will use the torchwood beach safe house and then if anyone asks we can say it was an invasion simulation or some shit. I would like a dessert really, that's what they traditionally used but that will do, besides the water will amuse them. They don't see a lot of it where they come from."

"Cats don't like water" Rhiannon nodded and Ianto smiled again as he saw how easily she had accepted her beloved and his kitty side.

"No, but they do like seafood" Jack said as he wandered over, "Nice chair babe."

"Not fucking white though" Ianto glared at the chair like it was to blame for the colour malfunction.

"No, but perfect if you are gonna do that splatter thing we saw the other day, remember?" Jack asked and Ianto's face changed as he stared at his husband, a brainwave instead of a brain fart this early in the day? Really?

"Well done Cariad" he crowed, "Well done."

Jack shoved his hands in his pockets as he accepted the praise, glad to have pleased his sweetling, "And the pigs are arriving today."

"What?" Ianto swung to look at him, "Today? The thing isn't until the weekend, Jack's it's a Wednesday ... what the fuck are we gonna do with them before the weekend?"

"A wee pen or something, they'll be fine" Jack shrugged and Ianto face palmed.

"And once the children have chosen one each to name and pet? You gonna kill one or two and squeeze the rest?"

"Don't' be silly" Jack laughed "The spit one is still coming, it's huge. Already butchered, comes ready to cook. No, the baby piggies will ...um..."

Ianto watched Jack stall out as he saw the flaw in his plan.

Ianto decided he better Google pigs if they were getting new pets.

_Gods I hope the community as a whole embraces the idea and take some._

Ianto was too scared to ask how many Jack ordered.


	3. this little piggy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

So, OK.

Jack had ordered six.

Yep.

"Wow, they make a lot of noise" Jack shouted over the squealing as the piglets were pushed from the trailer into the pen Jack had put up, "wow. Smaller than I thought too."

"Well, you said baby ones" the man said with a frown "They are weaned from their mama and ready to go."

"Oh gods" Ianto said softly as he watched the children running towards them with glee, their own squealing joining the noise as they clambered into the pen and started chasing them about trying to catch one.

"Good idea" Jack called to them with confidence, "Give them some endurance training."

"Oh Gods" Ianto muttered as he started to walk away knowing he would only get more stirred up if he stayed to watch the stupidity spread like a plague.

He reached the house as a new squeal joined in, Owen now clambering over the side of the pen as he yelled at the children the shit might have diseases and they should ....the side of the pen gave way and Owen landed with a loud oomph. The only good thing was that the pen was filled with sand, Luc and Jack thinking the pigs would like that for some reason Ianto could not fathom and Owen landed with a soft thud into that as the wee piggies in question had not actually taken a single damned shit.

Well ...now apparently they did as Owen watched from the perfect angle to be absolutely certain it was deliberate and as he screamed that one was backing towards his head Luc's booming laugh echoed around the cul-de-sac.

"Oh Gods" Ianto stepped inside and slammed the door, taking a large breath to calm himself.

.

.

.

.

Rhiannon entered the house and searched, finding her brother curled up on the sofa with the wee Lin in his arms as he hummed softly. The baby was looking up at his Taddette with adoration as Ianto stroked his wee face and stared back.

"In case you are wondering, Dav managed to catch one" she said as she slid into a seat, "They really scream don't they?"

"Are they still contained?" Ianto asked calmly, "Or are they lose."

"What do you think?" she asked with glee, watching his eye roll as he looked over at her and they both snorted at the same time.

"Looks like two got out before they got Owen out of there, no idea where they went. Must be in the shrubbery" she sighed, "I've come in here because I don't think Luc would appreciate me laughing at him and the weird snorting noises he's making are just too damned funny to ignore. Like, _GRUNT GRINT"_

As Rhiannon made weird grunting noises Ianto's' eyes widened and then he sniggered, looking in the direction of the madness outside, "You're right. They might take it personally if we wet ourselves watching them."

"Gods, do you think they will remember that the poor wee babies are still bottle fed?" Ianto asked as he checked his baby's bum and then crooned that he was perfectly dry, "If they walk around with a bottle on display they are more likely to get the piglets back, they are pigs after all, tums first."

"I will tell them" Rhiannon greed, "Eventually. I want at least one attempted wrangling before then. My money is on Owen."

"What's that sound" Ianto tasked suddenly, rising from the sofa with the baby tucked into his arm, "That sounds like...oh gods. Luc has his dog here? Shit!"

"What's wrong?" Rhiannon asked as she followed her brother out and he exploded out into the back yard yelling loudly at the men that if a single cat got eaten he would cut their balls off.

Rhiannon laughed at the dramatic carry on and was about to tell him to calm down when the huge beast lumbered past with one of her children latched onto it, getting dragged along.

"HOLY FUCK!" she roared, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WITH MY BABY!"

Micha was screaming with glee as the beast changed direction to run towards the screaming woman and Rhiannon was frozen with fear.

"DOWN!" Ianto roared, the beast dropping to its belly immediately as Micha screamed and sailed past it to land at her mother's feet. Her laugher was still being choked from her as she struggled to her feet.

"Mama, the doggie runs fast" she spluttered with glee.

"What the hell is it?"

"It my boy!" Luc said proudly, "He catch the squealers."

Ianto knew it was wrong and he knew he should say something but he watched gleefully as the huge Newfoundland slammed into the bushes and a strange scream issued as the place undulated, then Owen cane tearing out with a piglet under his arm looking back with wide eyes at the black beast that pounced after him. Like a cat with a mouse.

Ianto sighed and looked at his sister, shaking his head.

"You better hope you are worth all this shit Rhia" he teased, "You know Owen will get his shirt off at some stage too."

"Oh gods" she said with mock horror, "The madness."

"The horror" Ianto agreed gleefully.

Owen sailed past again, this time the piglet squealed along with him, its wee face one of glee to match his face of insanity.

The dog bounced along with mindless abandon.

Ianto knew all the cats were probably in his bloody bedroom under the bed.

Ianto went back inside.


	4. the everyone door needs work

Lucky wasn't sure what to think if this weird development with the fence thing outside but he did like his new pup. He licked the wee face and soothed as it nuzzled in and sighed, obviously exhausted after all the madness happening so he had led it inside through the doggie door Dadda had put in for him .... Nice guy that one .... And he was now explaining things to him.

He hoped he hadn't forgotten anything, think of how rude that would be but he as sure he covered the basics as he looked around to find where the blanket was, pulling it over them both and settling for a snooze.

Yelling and weird screaming was happening outside as he watched the Taddette walk past then pause to look down at him with a soft frown, "What have you got there sweetie?"

_Ya know, I really like him. He's a nice Hooman. So sweet and always willing to scratch that bit behind your ear that is impossible to get. You will like him too._

Taddette lifted the blanket and Lucky proudly lifted his leg so he could see the baby, then Taddette lowered it again to stare at him for a moment then give a weird snort, "OK then. Good boy."

Lucky settled and was soon asleep with his wee pup.

.

.

.

Gray was the one who twigged, crawling through the doggie door that he insisted was a 'everyone' door then heading to the bed to crouch and peer in, snort and then laugh softly as he pointed and looked at his lovely Taddette, "Dog has the piggy"

"Yes, so I see" Ianto agreed, "Looks like he claimed that one."

"Bugger" Gray huffed, "We have to let him have it if he called dibs. Did he call dibs Tadda?"

"I think so love, sorry" Ianto smiled and opened his arms, letting the boy clamber up and carefully wriggle around the sleeping baby on Ianto's chest, the three of them drifting in a loving hug.

Byrd came in next...yeah...the Everyone door.

"Piker!" she accused and Ianto shushed her pointing at the dog bed. "NO! Ah, bum. Bet he called dibs already!"

She crouched and peered at the piglet all cosy in the dog's hug and huffed, "Bum. He did."

"One won't hurt I guess" Gray muttered, "I wonder how big they get, will we have to get him a bed of his own? Will he squash Lucky Woofy Woo?"

"I don't know, too big for the Everyone Door I think" she frowned, "Dadda will have to make it bigger .... One of those doors that cut in half, we can have the bottom half open then."

Ianto sat listening to the children as they planned the future of the piglet then he looked up as Owen struggled through the Everyone Door.

"Owen how the hell am I going to stop them doing that if you are!" he scolded and Owen huffed.

"I wanted to see if I fit" he grunted, then his face changed as he stalled.

"Don't tell me. Your hips are stuck?" Ianto asked calmly as Owen struggled for a while then slumped on the floor and nodded.

Gray exploded from Ianto's lap and raced over, pulling his knife from his little belt pack, "I'll cut you out. Might need to get close. Can you suck your gut in?"

Owen stared at the boy who was gleefully eyeing up the opening and then over at Ianto with horror.

"Gray, could you open the window by the sink and call Jack?" Ianto asked calmly, "Maybe he can pull him back."

"HEY THE WERIDO IS STUCK!" Gray roared and Owen struggled to raise his top half from the floor and glare at Gray as the sound of someone running over thumped closer. Ianto frowned as Jack was usually a quiet runner

Then Owen squealed as he shot from the door like a cork popping from a bottle and Ianto tried not to laugh as Gray opened the door and looked up at Luc who stood still holding Owen up by his ankles as he screamed and wriggled like a fish held by its tail.

"Congratulations" Ianto said dryly, "It's a boy."

Luc looked at Owen and then placed him on the ground, Owen leaping to his feet and pulling at his clothes with open shame as Jack started to laugh, folding over to grab his knees as he watched Luc look at the door and then at Owen. "You are finally too big for something."

Owen straightened up and glared at Luc who started to laugh, a booming bark as he pointed at Owen, "You so silly. You not a youngling."

"I'm still young!" Owen defended himself, "I can still play."

"ah, little one." Luc crooned as he pulled him into a hug, "you are so much fun. None of my brothers would have done such a thing, you are so funny. Come on, let's go build a fire and burn some meat."

Gray grunted and raced after them talking about the door as he pointed back at it and Jack walked along calmly looking back as he nodded and agreed about the barn door.

Ianto looked back at the dog as he opened his one eye and looked at his Taddette.

"It's OK Lucky, looks like you can keep it" Ianto said softly and the dog settled again.

Ianto sighed and made a mental note to Google pet pigs.


	5. love seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

Yan looked at it with a resigned sigh, "So how do we transport it?"

"My brothers" Luc said proudly, "We lift onto the truck and take it to the site. Jack showed me the perfect spot."

"Jack" she sighed softly, "Of course he did."

"I wanted you today so you can see Rhiannon's one" Luc said as he flicked the sheet off and Yan looked at the strange throne-like chair that made the simple seat created for Yan as the Defender look like a child's.

"Hell's Teeth!" she breathed with awe, "That is…wow. Big."

The chair had been crafted from one of the huge trees cleared from the back section to make way for the play house for the children. The seat was actually two, joined together and it was clearly a Coupling Seat.

"I sit here, Rhia to my right. I am her shield, she is my blade, see?" Luc sat to show how he fitted the throne, his face full of joy as he looked to his right, his arm reaching, "As a warrior we reach for our sword, axe or other weapon. In our faith we believe our woman is our mightiest weapon. Giver of life, love and hearth. Defender of our soul. Our greatest pride."

"She will look solemn and dangerous" Yan said gently, feeling the seriousness of the conversation and Luc nodded as he agreed.

"Jack is afraid for me" Yan admitted, "He knows it is my fight, he will not stop us but please understand that he might swing at you if you harm me by accident."

"Yes, as it should be. You are his weapon and his shield, even as he is yours" Luc canted his head, "It must have been difficult to find the right music, the right rhythm for you. The drum beat for you is not singular."

"We have learnt not to lead one another, simply move together to the music" Yan replied as she sat it the chair she would sit in to show her ownership of Rhia, "it matters not if I am She or He, I am his."

"I want that" Luc said eagerly, "To simply belong."

"Nothing simple about it" Yan laughed, her head falling back to expose her throat and Luc saw Rhia in her then, the slender throat and musical note, "We are not simple beasts at all."

"No, this I am learning" Luc sighed as he leaned back, looking like he was posing for some fashion shoot for GQ magazine and Yan smiled as she marvelled at the good fortune her sister had in gaining his eye, such a lively kind soul.

Luc's race were of Viking descent. It's vague due to time and the fact they passed their heritage through song due to their alien masters forbidding written word. Well, they got around that with ancient rune as their language, a simple design or marking to depict an entire note to someone. Yan knew that the ancient mariners that were scooped up so many centuries ago were of Norse Viking era and their natural beauty and power comes from that DNA.

Yan also know this meant certain traditions remained, if somewhat bastardised to their changing lives and DNA strands. To find Luc's particular family was still deeply engrained with the Viking Ways was a lovely and she also knew Rhia had no idea what she was in for.

"What are you thinking sweetling?" Luc asked softly, leaning forward to place a hand over hers in a way that was both endearing and brotherly, Yan felt no threat or sexual offer in the movement of a man who clearly felt affection to those important to him.

"That Rhia is going to have a full, exciting life with you" she replied.

"And I am too" Luc sighed dreamily, his hand scratching at his belly as he pulled his shirt up to scratch, the GQ shoot moving to a Porn movie as Yan stifled a giggle.

He genuinely had no idea how sexy he was, did he.

"So the place?" she decided to focus, for all his sexiness he was not Jack. Not to her.

"There is a wooded area that opens to a beach. Water, lovely sea calling to us even as we stand in the glen. Wonderful to have the earth in all her connotations, dirt, sand and water."

"Yes, all you need is ice to complete it and some ice in the drinks will do that, maybe even some large blocks people can chip at with small knives?" Yan frowned, "Wee axes?"

"Really?" Luc asked with glee, "They can carve at it?"

"Yes" she laughed, "even the children."

"wonderful" he closed his eyes and sunbathed "this place is so wonderful. This family so lush."

Yan let her head fall back and drift as well, agreeing with her soon to be brother.

Lush.


	6. countdown almost done

It was the day before the Big Event.

Ianto was walking calmly though the mess that was slowly being pulled into some form of campsite even as the cabin sat behind them with it's warm fire and soft bed. For not the first time he thanked the gods he could claim the baby and retreat from the madness that night would bring.

"Ianto!" Luc was calling to him and he moved over to look at the giant fire pit being completed, the truck waiting with the logs on the back they had gathered from the beach they were clearing for the 'tournament' tomorrow.

"Wow, you could roast an elephant in there" Ianto said with what he hoped were wide enough eyes and Luc puffed happily as he motioned to his brother Lars that they were ready to lay the coal base.

Ianto sat and watched the huge spit being positioned, Lars and his ironwork now displayed as the pig on a spit would sit one side and the huge caldron would sit over the flames to heat the water within.

"Wow" Ianto said again as he watched the wood being placed with an artistic flare, Lars moving and changing things until he was happy with the 'air flow' and then he declared it done with a whoop, followed by several of them running into the water to splash like children as they washed off the work's sweat.

"It has been a long time since we have been able to celebrate like this" Luc said happily as he flopped next to Ianto, "We have some arriving within an hour, by tonight we will be heaving with kinsmen. I hope you are ready, you will be scrutinized within an inch of your life, you and Rhia both."

"Well, I am sure that when I transform to Yan before them they will have nothing left to talk about except the wonderful choice you made to join to such a unique house" Ianto assured him and Luc grinned back.

"Really?" he asked, "You don't usually do it in front of others, you will display for them?"

"For you" Ianto smiled, "I will show myself for you, for the honour of the joining."

Luc rubbed his hands together gleefully, "They will shit their dacks."

Ianto laughed at the thought, watching Lucky toddle over to check the progress and the dog sniffed at the logs as another brother who looked like a smaller version of Luc tried to shoo him away.

"Oi!" Luc roared, "Axel, leave Lucky alone! He will not piss on it, he likes your truck tyres better for that."

They laughed as the brother heaved himself out of the pit and stomped over to look at the pristine tyres and Lucky calmly lifted his leg as he proved Luc a liar.

Ianto looked at the large tents going up on one side, like medieval encampments and saw more Viking tendencies showing as the stakes were slammed in by big strong men with their bodies on display, the women weaving amongst them with bedding and such to fill said tents.

Ianto felt the baby on his chest stir and he sat to unclip the harness and lift his son up, sniffing his bum to see if he needed a change.

You know, once upon a time Ianto would have watched a mother do this in a coffee shop and shuddered with horror as she then handed it to her friend or partner for a sniff too, not understanding the science behind a parental bum sniff. Now here he is, two children later recklessly sniffing with abandon while people mill around doing their own thing, trying to detect the difference between farts and poops.

"Baby?"

"Farts" Ianto decided, saying it out loud so Jack would put the nappy bag down he had snatched up with open horror "Just popping off in there."

"Why he was awake so early, a bit colicky today" Ianto sighed, letting Jack take him and sniff for himself before agreeing that the smell was fading. Poopy ones don't fade, they just seem to settle like poison gas.

"Anything else we need to do?" Jack asked and Ianto shrugged.

"I don't think so, I have my outfits laid out, I have bubby's bottles ready to go and Owen is here in case I am injured….now stop it" Ianto sighed as Jack bristled, "Stop it. I will hurt him more. We need those port-a-loos. People are starting to arrive, I do not want all those people using our loo. Sorry, that is a deal breaker for me."

"OK" Jack went to ring the company as Ianto rose and lifted the child into the air, not caring who swooped in to snatch him away as he then stretched and yawned, his bed seeming so far away.

As one of the women whooped with glee, Lin held high as she ran across the sand followed by others who wanted a hold Ianto turned to watch Gray stalk towards the fire pit, his hands rubbing gleefully.

He could have called out his warning but really wanted to see what the little monkey was about to do.

The whoosh as Gray applied a match was like a sonic boom, men and women falling back from the heat of the flames even as Byrd screamed and ran toward sit, followed by the other children.

Ianto could only laugh as the children threw sticks into the bonfire, their screams of glee echoing as the sunset spread across the water. Owen seemed to fit with them, just a slightly larger version dancing around the flames.

Lord of the Flies came to mind.

As the headlights crawled around the hill towards them like a fireworm Ianto watched his sister walk to stand next to Luc, her hand sliding into this as she squared her shoulders and prepared to stare down any other suitors.

IT had begun.


	7. warrior bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

Yan stood and looked at herself with silent annoyance, it just didn't look right.

"Cariad?" she scolded softly and looked behind her in the back mirror to found Gray walking into the room swinging a small sword, "Where in the seven hells did you get that from?"

"Luc" came the grunted reply as Gray thrust the sword at the curtains, then screamed as it exploded with several cats leaping from behind the fabric, Lucifer doing that sideways swagger at him before running off. Gray blinked and turned to look after him.

"I do believe you are it" Yan said and Gray dropped the sword to race after the cats and the game.

"Oi no running in the…." Jack yelled then he saw Yan and his face went slack, "Wow."

"It's missing something" she pouted at his reflection and he frowned as he examined her wonderful curves, the leather corset tight and alluring.

_Gods he has to leave the Webley behind before he kills someone._

"One of your fake fur stoles?" he finally suggested, "They seem to wear them a lot."

"YES!" Yan slid past him and he scented her, the excitement twisting with that sandalwood tang that made his dick hard, "I know just the one Cariad."

Jack turned to watch the madness of flying furs, his beautiful mate looking like something from Providence House with her frantic movements; makeup making her look like a banshee, her hair wild and expertly messed and her long lean legs taught and gorgeous.

She looked like a cross between Wonder Woman and Thor.

Fuckable!

Oh so fuckable!

"Later if ya lucky" Yan muttered, then stepped out with a faux fur around her shoulders, now looking perfectly placed. "Tada!"

Jack looked at her with glee, rubbing his hands together, "How much later? Hey, wait a minute!"

"What?" Yan asked with surprise at his sudden pout.

"You will be too tired later, knowing you probably drunk" Jack sighed, "Ianto would let me have a quickie but you are probably right."

Yan snorted a she admired her bohemian murderer look in one of the the full length mirrors, "Nice try old man."

"Yeah, your right" Jack shrugged then went for gold, "A 'Just Fucked By My Old Man Against The Wall' look might be a tad uncouth. Ianto would never want to insult the visitors with that. Besides, you would smell of sex."

Yan stalled out, half way to the door and he knew he had her, trying to look downtrodden as she swung to look at him with a raised eyebrow, "Did you seriously just compare me to …me?"

"It doesn't matter" Jack said softly "I love you even if I am not attractive to you sometimes."

Yan sat on the edge of the dresser, shoving bling out of the way as she toed out the bottom drawer and hooked her boot heel in it, "Right then. Do me quick and get it over with."

Jack gaped, "What?"

"Come on and no kissing, fuck up my hair and makeup and I'll break it off!" she snarled, "Come service me bitch."

Jack was soon balls deep slamming the dresser back against the wall as Yan urged him on, her black nails looking decadent as they dug into his forearms hard enough to leave crescents, something Jack would display with pride, then to his immense joy she lunged, sinking her teeth into his left peck, his scream of pain drowned out by her own as she threw her head back and came messily.

Jack slammed again and again, his breath burning then he was cuming, roaring and gasping as he shuddered in her arms.

"Christ on a Harley" Jack gasped as he shakily ran his hand through his messed up hair.

"Now, compare us again and I will go on strike" Yan warned, "You get that to remind you of what you would be missing."

"You expect me to believe you would give up this?" Jack asked, slapping at his cock as it came to attention again.

Yan grinned evilly as she looked at it, "Yes but Cariad you forget."

"What?" he asked with a sneer.

"Mine's more than large enough to provide enough fun for the whole Palmer family" Yan flounced out the door and Jack frowned.

"Palmer family?" He hurried out into the hall "What do you mean, Palmer family?"

Owen was walking past in a weird outfit that looked like cross between a curious monkey and a bull fighter. He had SOOO missed the brief. He stopped and looked at Jack with Gray tucked under his arm snarking.

"Mrs Paler and her five daughters?" Owen said, then raised his free hand to wriggle his fingers.

Jack blinked then suddenly got it, roaring with mirth as he turned to the stairway window and watched his love burst from the house to walk across the lawn, his hand on the window as Yan skipped to the old flat bed truck waiting to take her and Jack to the 'Games' area.

Jack smiled, scooping up a cat and rubbing it gently, for luck, Lucifer looking like a wild beast from Hades as he stalked off with his fur all fluffed up.

Time to start the games.


	8. first striike

Ianto sat looking totally uncomfortable with the huge bear skin covering around him like a ceremonial cloak.

The speeches came first and he watched the family eyeing him up and considering him as a match to their Luc, then came the formal challenge, Ianto rising and throwing back the cloak, transforming at the same time so it was Yan who stepped forward in her war paint.

The silence was empowering as she strode to face him, stepping onto the stool provided for their eyes to match "I hereby formally challenge you! You have been sniffing around my sister and I want you to either step back of step forward. Be a man! I can at will, can you?"

Luc puffed as he snarled and shoved her off the stool … as gently as possible of course … watching her land in her arse as he leaned over her "ACCEPTED FOR MY BELOVED!"

The place erupted as Yan calmly booted Luc in the balls, his face one of total surprise at the unscripted response and Yan rose triumphantly to look over his family of enraged mandems, "If this is the best you can offer for my sister's hand you had better have good dowry!"

More roaring and Owen knew his chance, stepping up "I am the no-blood brother and I acknowledge the acceptance of my kin's challenge."

Axel stepped into Owens face, "My brother will pound your sister into the dirt!"

"Yeah?" Owen sneered, "She loves getting dirty. Like, she is so dirty she needs scrubbing! Yeah!"

Once again there was silence as Jack hissed that he had gone too far. Owen grimaced and shrugged at Yan as she face palmed. Jack stepped forward to save the day, forgetting he had a baby strapped to him as he went to hero pose.

"My mate will hold her head high, I will hold her hand high and you will bow!" Jack said, his hands on his hips as Lin looked out over the crowd and waved energetically.

Everyone awwwwwwed, waving back and Jack looked down at his son, stroking his hair as the place totally forgot the ceremony. Yan looked at Luc and shrugged, Luc looking around for inspiration, then he pointed, "YOU!"

Rhys looked at him with surprise, "I appoint you the keeper of the points!"

Andy glanced up from his little son who was trying to reach Byrd "Huh? What does that mean?"

"Keeping score" Yan said softly and Andy looked at his mate and nodded, Rhys puffing up to match Jack with glee.

An argument started in Luc's camp as they thought Rhys might be unfair in the rulings so then they appointed one of their own to co-judge, a large growly woman called Her. Rhys was scandalised at being so rude as to refer to her as just 'Her' but could get no other name from them.

Yan now had a new problem as more than one stepped forward to challenge Jack, the baby on his chest laughing along with him as he calmly told them that he would have to kill them and it would put a dampener on the whole thing.

Rhiannon stood proudly as she was presented and then it happened, the one thing Ianto didn't want but knew secretly would but it was Yan who stood watching not Ianto. Maybe if it had been Ianto it might have been handled with more….er…decorum?

He was huge, hairy and his look was half crazed as he roared challenge to Luc for the right of bonding. Seems he thought Rhiannon was a fit bird too and wanted a piece for himself. Although not everyone there spoke the language of Luc's people it was also unfortunate that Yan's Tardis Heart was in fine form translating everything and it would also seem that she doesn't really like her sister's boobs and arse to be so leered at by this hulk of a prick.

Actually I stand corrected.

Ianto didn't either and even as everyone gaped at the man, Yan exploded from the stage but Ianto landed in front of the man, his roar loud as he swung and lifted the man from his own feet with the force of the blow to his jaw to fly back into the throng of people.

"You piece if Degollitash Shit!" Ianto roared in their tongue, more fluent than some of them that had been earthbound too long "You ever speak of my sister like that again and I will tear out your tongue and shove it up your arse so you might know the foul taste in my mouth!"

Silence.

Then Byrd started to laugh her soft bray echoing over the hushed crowd as Gray followed with his own challenge, leaping though the people like a goat or at least a half crazed meyipolt to stomp over and stand beside his beloved, the small blade held at the man's crotch for good measure.

"Well?" Ianto demanded loudly.

"Huh?" the man squeaked, his fear coming off him in waves as he glanced up at his cousin to find Luc laughing softly as well.

"Apologise you bastard faced arse wiper!" Ianto used their best words as some of their older women gasped at the indecency of it and the young ones repeated them softly for remembrance later.

He rose to his full height and found Ianto impossibly rising to match him.

"I apologise for lusting for your sister's flesh" he said in galactic standard, then repeated it in Sol 3 English. Rhia's gasp and then snort also heard as she turned to Luc.

"He really thought he had a chance?" she asked him with amusement and the place all laughed as Luc shrugged and drew her in for a kiss to show that nobody had a shit-show of taking her from him.

As his cousin watched the strange man back away with his creature/child removing the blade he wondered if the bloodline was that strong in all of them. His eyes slid to the stage once more as Rhia turned to look back at Micha and he once again saw her curves.

He also wondered if a challenge later once the strange one was beaten down a bit by Cousin Luc might have been a good idea.


	9. pie and pigs and musical chairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

The first challenge was an eating contest that was open to everyone so Mama calmly took the baby as she watched Jack do some breathing exercises to prepare and Yan simply removed the belt from her outfit. Her abs were like a washboard and more than one woman looked at her with surprise, then the well endowed sister who was cheering both combatants on as they tried to work out how such a handsome woman could have such a skinny sibling.

It was humorous to Yan to know she was not considered the pretty one of the pair, to know that in this crowd Rhiannon was seen as a better prize was both humbling and comforting. Nice to think that she need never worry about her weight again as she blushed happily from all the kind words and open lusting.

Wild berry pies, provided from both camps so there could be no threat of poisoning. Something Yan fond secretly amusing as an official taster took a mouthful of each pie to declare them all equally safe and good to eat. Also is seems sabotage could be a sour pie in one camp. Damn this tribe took thing so seriously and Jack was such a clown that more than one old woman was already scolding him as he now did push ups and lunges up and down the front of the stage.

Yan knew she would not win this one, the victor not a surprise as Jack pulled over his eleventh pie while the last one trying to keep up …Cousin Fuzzy Arse Wiper from earlier who had now been introduced as Fleck finally turned to barf into a bucket.

The place roared as Rhys and Her agreed Jack was the winner, then hastily removed the pies as Jack tried to hook another 'for later' as he burped.

Yan then watched a children's challenge with glee, the outcome also predestined as Gray simply picked up a chair and struck a child with it. The chair broke so he chose another as everyone exploded with horror. Yan face palmed as the last child cowered without a blow being struck so Gray sat in the final chair with a look of triumph, the musical chairs game not to the liking of the crowd.

They demanded it be redone without the savage.

Gray brandished his blade at them while showing he had a fine grasp of their language as well, his beloved's earlier taunt not forgotten as Jack choked on his pie he had managed to sneak back.

Gray won.

Yan was still trying to bring things back under control when the first piglet shot past and all hell broke loose as she slowly turned to glare at David who could only shrug as he let go of the gate and released the rest.

Yan didn't try to join in as she saw this might be a way for Luc's family to regain some points and she settled in her seat to watch the madness, a lovely cup of Meade from one of the old ladies who also tried to push more pie, lamenting that she was too thin for motherhood.

Sweet old thing.

Luc got hold of the first piglet holding it high as Micha screamed that it was her 'Pinky' and kicked him in the shin causing him to yelp and hand it over with wide eyes. Everyone was satisfied with that, not only Luc getting a point but the little one showing she had the bloodlust of her kin as well, important as the tubby little girl stomped off with her piggy looking back over her shoulder with that smug look pigs get. They agreed she would be a fine match one day if she took after her mother in the looks department as well.

Owen caught the next one, his yodel immense as he dragged it out of the bushes only to find it was not one of those for catching, Lucky telling him so as he saved his 'pup' from his clutches with a deep booming bark and a good head butt that left him reeling.

"Owen, that's Puppy" Yan called calmly, "Did you not see the dog collar?"

"Yeah, yea sorry fella" Owen said as he rubbed his head and Lucky forgave as he always does, taking his baby inside though the 'everyone' door Daddy had created with a chainsaw earlier so he could lick him clean and tell him he did well to pee on him like that. Owen then realised the piglet had peed in him and he raced for the water, screaming with horror. The children followed screaming with glee. Adults followed screaming with annoyance as the games turned to a splash-fest.

Luc settled in the seat next to Yan, leaning over the short distance between the carved seat to whisper, "Going well, yes?"

Yan stifled a giggle as she turned to face him, his handsome face glowing with delight, "Yes brother to be. Wonderful. So lively."

"Yes!" he sat back and patted his lap for Rhiannon was delicately plonked herself into it with abandon, "So alive aren't we."

"Life is for living, not existing" Yan agreed softy as she watched David race past in pursuit of a small black pig he hadn't seen before. Seems Luc's people had some as well in case theirs were inferior stock. Gods, what if they leave them behind as part of the dowry.

Yan wondered what the hell they would do with so many as a ginger one trotted past on the edge of the stage then did a huge dive off into the sand below.

Shit.

How many were there?

 


	10. We are bloody Legion

"Babe? Did we bring cats with us to the beach house?" Jack called and Yan looked up with confusion, Lin wriggling away.

"No. They are all at home, why your Mama keeps getting rides back and forth" Yan replied, crouching to see what Jack was looking at under the porch of the house. The little ginger cat was looking back with sad eyes and Yan cursed softly as she released it was in labour, two little kittens visible behind it in the half light.

"Bugger" Yan rose and walked down to the beach where the breakfast was still being cleared away, "Luc, I have to postpone the morning games, can we restart in an hour or so?"

"Why!" more than one person demanded angrily and she explained then watched the beach empty out as they all rushed to see for themselves, all excitedly arguing over who might have a kitten. Yan explained the time they would need to stay with their mother and a new argument started over who would care for them, Yan trying not to laugh as it became more intense than the one she and Luc were playing at. The first fist flew pretty quickly and Yan was about to panic when a voice roared at them angrily, making them all freeze with horror as Jack's mother stomped down the steps to glare at them all.

"That poor mama is trying to give birth while you all talk about her babies not even here yet as if they are possessions. Shame on you, shame, shame!" Dahlia roared at them, "Get back to the beach and give her some bloody peace. Luc and his bride will care for them and at their wedding there will be kits as gifts for those deemed worthy to attend!"

Yan felt such a relief as she learned the two other mama cats walking around followed around buy half grown kits back home would have their loads lessened. She knew Mama would keep collecting them and that there would always be one more to be spayed or neutered as she discovered a fresh face in the garden but she really didn't mind. It was a comfort to know this one would not be a permanent fixture though, I mean a person can go a bit mad with all the demands these little creature make all the time, lulling you in to a false sense of power.

"Well?" she roared and then everyone thundered back to the beach and Yan looked at Jack who shrugged.

"Nobody argues with Mama."

"Nope, score one for the Hearthwarmer" Yan said calmly, then she moved to let Dahlia into her spot and the woman now crooned happily as she watched over the little brood.

Luc watched Yan walk gracefully towards him then he smiled as she tripped on a stone and another man scooped her up making her laugh as she was placed back on her feet, not the least bit alarmed or afraid of the stranger. This was comforting to Luc to see her accept his family as hers, to welcome their touch when others were alarmed at their barbaric manners.

"Right, sorry about that. Maybe we can have a running race or a tug of war?" Yan offered, "Then lunch?"

They all roared with glee and she watched from her lovingly handmade throne as they set up the tug of war then she walked down to accept one side, Luc the other.

Yes.

She let him win.

Several of Luc's people gathered to serenade the cat family as they started to set up for lunch and Yan stifled the giggle attack that was starting as she watched Dahlia exit the house to roar at them some more, a tea towel flapping at them as she roared that they were waking the little one inside the house who was having his nap.

She resisted the urge to call out in question if it was Owen mama was talking about.

Don't worry.

Jack yelled it instead.


	11. piggy

Yan was confident with the piggy-back race and waited in her most petite form as Jack limbered up and Luc walked to the line with Rhiannon as three other couples joined them. Owen and Tosh were also getting ready and they gaped as the first woman leant over and her mate jumped onto her back with a whoop.

Then another.

Yan turned to look at Tosh who was starting to giggle as it became apparent the women were excepted to carry the men and they knew there had been a bloody late night conference to try to hobble things as they realised Yan was more than able to beat Luc at some things.

Right.

Yan calmly stepped over to Jack and drew him into a kiss, Jack enjoying the bum squeeze, then Yan winked and turned, slapping at her hips and Jack laughed as he climbed on. You see, it was still Ianto, still a man with the same strength and agility as always in the little body he had chosen for the day so when Yan lifted her mate and lined up without a second thought the hush over the crowd was deafening.

Tosh accepted Owen and grunted more from laughter than effort as she lined up as well and they waited for the start.

Well.

Some just started running and now Tosh was openly laughing as she wove about and tried to run straight, landing on her knees as she shrieked with glee and Owen flopped down as well, both of them admitting defeat at the starting post.

"You bloody cheats!" someone yelled as the official started complained that he was only given the one job and hadn't been allowed to wave his flag thing.

Yan ran like the wind as Luc struggled to match her, his own laughter starting as Jack began to whoop with an arm raised like he was riding a horse and Rhiannon saw her chance, throwing the water balloon at him and Yan felt the impact, grunting and staggering as Jack lost his balance sending them both down.

Now the place was in an uproar as Luc won, even some of his side declaring it a loss not a win as Yan and Jack lay in a heap screaming with mirth and then they got up and waved everyone down.

"It was a fair hit!" Yan bellowed, "For do we not have the same?"

Jack held up a water balloon sheepishly and then they all cheered as he slapped it down on Luc's head. Both men stood embracing as they laughed and Rhiannon shrugged like it was no big thing, secretly pleased she and Ianto had agreed to that tactic if it ever looked like Luc was going to lose face.

"OK, fine. You lot are pirates anyway!" Yan yelled and they roared, raising their glasses with glee and then they moved away as Yan accepted a blanket. "It's cooling down fast, how many more?"

"I think we can cut it right back claiming that Luc had proved himself a worthy addition to our family" Jack agreed, "One or two more?"

"I want the dead bird toss" Luc said sullenly and Ianto snorted, "Luc, it's not a dead bird toss. A cable toss is a large tree trunk but we can use those boulders, remember? I can't compete with you there. You will beat everyone."

"Ah"

"One more?" Jack said as he watched his beloved consider, "What else can we do that doesn't look forced love?"

"Song!" Luc demanded, "I will sing a song of love for my woman!"

"Luc, Yan will…OK" Jack nodded and Yan made a noise as they watched Luc stomp off.

"Babe, we can't let him win all of them remember? Also, these people are big on song. You can not only win this but make yourself desirable to them. You know, make up for not being big enough."

Yan snorted, "Weird huh? Feeling guilty for not being fuller figured. Crazy world."

"You could ya know" Jack said as they walked back towards the fires being lit, "You could make yourself voluptuous."

"Could doesn't mean should" she replied softly, "This is for Rhia to shine, not me. Better they all see that she is the prize he is winning, no muddying the water here."

"True, true" Jack snorted "I keep forgetting their different views on woman's size."

"Lovely" she smiled, "Rhiannon is a goddess, a sexy beautiful creature to them. I am beyond happy that she now eats without looking guilty for liking the taste of her food. Wonderful."

"You know you are my Goddess, right?" Jack asked and a little hand slapped at her arse making her turn to look at Gray.

"Mine too!"

"Wondrous, I am overfilled with worth" she smiled as she kissed his little face with open affection, "My handsome boy, yes. Yours too."

Gray walked away with a backward glance that told his brother that he better remember he is not the only man in this family and Jack laughed softly as the old tradition of 'Taking' came to mind.

"In our time, if a man does not treat his mate with due love and respect another of the family can take them" Jack snorted with mirth, "I think my brother just put me on notice."

"Good" Yan sniffed, "Step it up Captain!"

They walked hand in hand as lovers do.


	12. coitus interuptus

Jack was kissing Ianto's throat, his tongue licking between nips as Ianto moaned softly, the children's laughter heard in the distance as they played in the dying light of the day and wee Lin was asleep in a huddle of babies that were all shapes and colours, Byrd alternating between playing and heading over to check her private harem. Also wondering if she might want another one day, Luc did purr when happy. Cute that.

"Jack" Ianto sighed, his dick lazily rubbing against Jack's thigh as they kissed and enjoyed a moment of nekid wrestling.

Then there was a scream and Ianto froze, "Was that Rhia?"

"Fuck" Jack sighed as Ianto slithered out of the bed and snatched up the fur coat, stomping out to roar into the twilight that someone was gonna lose their fucking dick if it was in the wrong place. Jack grinned as he grabbed for his coat and raced out to watch Ianto move though the people like fucking royalty, Luc's people looking at the handsome young man with shock as he snarled openly at them and he found Luc going head to head with the man who had challenged for Rhia on the first day, this time he was standing with just a loin cloth as his grossly hairy body glistened with the pig fat from the grill.

"What the hell is going on!" Ianto demanded as he came to a halt and they swung to face him, Luc immediately stepping back in respect as the other one stepped forward to challenge.

"I want her, I will have her!" he sneered, turning back to Luc, "We will battle and I will win. The numbers are back from the wars, you won her, she is yours for me to take."

"She is not a fucking cow!" Luc roared into his face as he swung and they exchanged more blows as Ianto stepped back and looked for help, then the hairy bastard swung with a small axe snatched form a convenient family member striking Luc in the side of the head and he fell gracefully at Rhia's feet as she screamed and fell to her knees.

Ianto roared as he launched himself at the fat fuck and they flew back into the mud pit left from the pig wrestling. Ianto clamped his teeth onto the fucker's earlobe and the fucker screamed with shock as he tried desperately to evade the pain.

Ianto straddled him now, the fur coat that had flown off as Ianto had leapt was now in Jack's hands as he watched his now naked mate pummel the man like a thing possessed, his screams more like a yodel.

"Shit, he's gonna kill him" Owen said softly as he skirted around to stand by Jack, "He is so pissed."

"We were playing slap n' tickle so he's a bit….er…..excitable" Jack grimaced as a crack told them a nose had just been broken.

"Ouch" Owen snorted.

Luc came around and looked over to see Ianto struggling, his bark making Ianto look over at him and the fucker saw his chance, flinging Ianto back and rising to his hands and knees with a roar "I kill you!"

The axe that had felled Luc lay in the mud and Luc struggled up with it now in his possession, swinging at his cousin without a second thought as he now moved to protect his family member, his brother the Taddette.

The fat fuck grunted with surprise as he fell in the mud, his scalp split open and several elders started making a strange whooping noise that had Luc turning to face them, "He was no challenge, only an annoyance. My brother here and I put him down!"

Ianto rose to stand and the mud was dripping off him as he glowered at them, looking more like one of them than the one still howling in the muck. Ianto looked like some fucking god standing there, his dick half erect and his mouth open panting.

"Won" an elderly lady said pointing at Luc, "He won. He is the champion of this all."

"Agreed" her companion nodded, his old hands clutching at his cane, "Yes. All challenges are now closed, we have decided. Luc has his mate. He won!"

Everyone cheered as Ianto flopped against Jack and then he sighed, "Jack? Am I naked?"

"No love, the mud is great like a body suit. Honest"

Ianto looked at him and rolled his eyes as Jack sniggered, "OK, maybe that lovely dick shows that their 'size is everything 'motto works for me."

Ianto looked down and shrugged, then turned to stalk up to the house as a woman stepped in close to Jack, "Share?"

"Sorry sweetling, no" Jack told her kindly, "that one is all mine and I am greedy."

"Fair enough" she smiled, "I would be too. Nice."

"Plump arse, eh?"

"Plump all" she laughed and Jack kissed her gently, then followed Ianto for a shower and some more slap n tickle.

Winners walking here folks.


	13. So there!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](https://postimages.org/)

"You cannot possess me for I am a free creature of the stars and the moon,

Not bound to the earth but as bright and glowing as the sun.

You cannot command me because only gravity can keep me contained,

But I can promise to always orbit you as my centre of everything."

Luc paused his speech as the evening wind whipped up, their hands joined with a red ribbon wrapped around said hands, the sight of his bride with her hair flying up like a halo too beautiful for him to endure without a pause to breathe though his pride.

"I shall serve you, I shall drip the sweetest honey into your mouth" Rhia replied nervously, Ianto mouthing the words for her as he stood with his back to the people watching "And it will taste all the sweeter as we both lick my fingers."

"I pledge that it shall be your name I cry in the dark and your eyes I seek on the morn" Luc grinned, "I offer the first bite of my meat, the first sip from my chalice and my last dying breath."

"Oh Luc" she sighed happily, then she recovered with a soft clearing of Ianto's throat, "I will be a shield on your back, even as you are the sword in my hand."

Jack snorted, as he always did when they rehearsed that part and Ianto resisted the urge to turn and glare at him.

Luc glowed as he puffed out his chest "I shall not slander you or hear bad of your name, any arguments will be private and not released to the ears of others, my flesh is your flesh."

Ianto nodded and he stepped forward, the red ribbon biding their hands now tied in a tight knot by Ianto as the priestess looked on with a nod of satisfaction.

"The goddess watches" the Priestess called out as she raised a hand to the moon that was now visible in the half light, "The god, he bows."

She motioned to the sunset as it started to light up the sky, "A man must bow to his wife or he can never rest!"

There was soft laughter and Luc jiggled impatiently, the Priestess scolding softly in their tongue as Ianto took a sharp breath and looked at her more closely.

"Rose?" he whispered but the woman was already talking again, her hands flapping as she crowed.

"Behold! These bindings are not to constrict or confine them, this is to show that their bond is unending, tight and snug while at the same time…" she sliced the ribbon with a knife, "Not needed to be visible to be in place. Their hearts will feel the ribbons as they hold their hearts together always!"

Everyone cheered as Ianto took a deep breath and turned to face them, his head high.

"I have witnessed Luc's love for Rhiannon, I have witnessed the binding of their souls. I now witness the joining of our hearths, homes and blood. Anyone wants to challenge this bond, come to me first but have your mate ready for your burial!" Ianto called out and feet stomped, sticks banged and more than one cat-like wail filled the air in response so Ianto threw his head back and let out a roar that echoed across the distant waves.

They cheered.

"OK love?" Jack asked as they walked to the evening feast.

"Tired, I want my own bed" Ianto sighed, "I want a big bubble bath and I want to wash my hair. I want your dick inside me and I want to fall asleep in your arms."

"Oh darling" Jack smiled softly, "Let's blow this after we eat, yeah? The kids are fine, Lin can come home to Mama and we will have a night off. Byrd and Gray are happy with Owen and Tosh, Rhys and Andy seem to have got over their shock and are mingling nicely, although that old bird keeps following Rhys about making Andy nervous."

"She does seem to be measuring him."

"Asked me for you" Jack smiled, "I explained that I don't share and she seemed to have gone for the next yummy. Poor Rhys, not enjoying the husky interest."

"It helps that he keeps his son stuck against him like a shield" Ianto laughed as he yawned, "I really need that seeing to."

"Always lover" Jack laughed, "So bossy."

.

.

.

.

And so ends this segment of madness, the Christmas special to come next.

[](https://postimg.cc/image/783e9eopr/)


End file.
